The Mentor and the Protege

It suddenly dawned upon me that I need a mentor - someone who has a true purpose and direction in life, enough to be able to guide me along the way. I find my interests so varied that I don't really know what I want in life - but then again, which other JC student really does?

I envy Poly students who know what they want and have the guts to commit and pursue what they want in life, hence going in the course of their choice. JC students often
make use of the 2 years in A level as a buffer period to get their priorities ironed out - like myself. Unless, of course, it is those who are dead set on the course that they wish to do, that specifically demands an A level certificate to study. In any case, why am I even pondering over such questions now? I have an even longer buffer during NS to find out what I really want to do - with 4 weeks left, all I have to do is just study. But I'm taking a break now, so whatever.

Apart from the fact that I have less of a career direction than I would like to have, there are just so many questions in life that I need answering.

I must say, though, I am honestly sick and tired of hearing politically correct answers, because after a while, it becomes common sense. I need answers that pierce the heart of the matter - the unadulterated, ugly, brutal truth about reality, not merely beating around the bush with heavy euphemisms. I have had enough about hearing about ideals, and I have a clear idea about what it is that guides our morals and compels us to do good - I already have those kinds of questions answered by God. I need to know what compels us otherwise, amongst other things.

Yes, I know most people just cannot take brutal truths; hence the need for some form of diplomacy - trust me, I have had my fair share of receiving and giving (constructive) criticisms to know what it really means to be diplomatic. However, I cannot stress enough that being diplomatic does not mean resorting to euphemism. (Though there are some instances where euphemism is necessary.)

Sometimes, I see people "sugar-coat" their (constructive) criticisms to the point where I don't see the point of even saying anything. If there is something useful(I must stress 'useful') to criticize, then there really shouldn't be a need to resort to euphemism for the fear of offending the person. That is not to say that we should come across as too assertive, and such. That all boils down to taste. This is the whole reason why satire exists - it allows people to see the hard truth in a rather pleasant fashion without having a bitter taste in one's mouth. This is how people should be diplomatic - being diplomatic does not mean "sugar-coating" one's words, you're not the candy man.

However, I am not referring to criticisms that are meant to get at a particular person - with a form of cynicism, rage, envy and any negative emotions associated with those kinds of criticisms. Those are the kind where we all just have to shut up, because it serves no purpose other than to taunt people - something which we don't usually need these days.

I am certainly not weak-willed, and my skin is thick enough to be able to take the brunt of hard truths that could potentially pierce my soul, and survive. I will defend my position when attacked, but I need someone who is able to obliterate my "defences" and tell me what logical flaws I have, etc. etc. etc... These days, such debates end up as counterattacks on my part, in which the attacker ends up losing (albeit not all the time). I need just that kind of mentor who can withstand that kind of debate, and be so damned good at it that I feel worthy of being subjugated to him/her - which is probably the only time where I really respect someone in an authoritative position, which I am finding increasingly scarce.

Perhaps I felt the sudden urge to have a mentor is because I miss the comfort of being watched by my parents, and being taught by them, every step of the way. I am at a stage where I cannot even ask my parents much of what I need answering because it is beyond their capacity to do so, apparently. Countless times I have asked them difficult questions, and I end up getting unsatisfactory answers. Sometimes, I even answer questions for them, and the role of "mentor" and "protege" between say father and son, has been reversed.

It is as if for all this while, I was being carried by a rocket up to the skies by the drop-away boosters. When I have reached a sufficient height, I drop the boosters, and I'm on my own. Like a young bird, my flight is unstable, but I am flying. I know it will take time for me to grow stronger and stabilize, but right now it seems as though the floor has collapsed on my and I'm in a state of free-fall.

It is so hard to search for one who has that capacity to handle questions with sufficient depth AND have the inclination to do so. There are plenty with that capacity, but most rather stay away from such topics of debate. No mentor.

I probably won't find one anyway. I can only wish, not even hope. I guess i'm on my own.

Dante out.